One of the goals I have is to become a better listener. My own perception is that I am a good listener, however my daughter has recently told me otherwise. Our relationships can be a source of comfort or stress and often times both. We're all affecting each other whether we are aware of it or not.
Do you ever get impatient while other people are talking? I do. Sometimes I feel impatience and sometimes it's enthusiasm to share a similar story. Other times I notice how while the other person is talking, my mind is busy thinking of solutions or advice for them. Has this ever happened to you?
When we actually listen, we are less likely to misunderstand someone and to have an argument. We are more likely to walk away from a conversation feeling energized rather than frustrated. When we listen well, we solve problems more quickly and feel less stressed.
When you're having a conversation with someone you can practice mindfulness. While they are talking, you can pay attention to your breathing. You can notice the thoughts that are going through your mind as they are speaking. Practice being patient. Don't interrupt.
Notice any feelings within yourself as you are listening. Don't interject your experiences. Wait, breathe, and listen. Notice any sensations in your body as you are listening. The idea is to listen with your whole self...to be fully present without the need to change, solve, or fix anything.
When the person is finished talking you can respond with a comment like, "it sounds like you had a really tough day" or "it seems like you got just what you wanted". That shows the speaker that you've heard them and this feels good for both them and you. This kind of response might encourage them to talk even more, building confidence and trust in your relationship.
The objective is to listen and notice what's happening within yourself rather than to jump in. We usually interrupt because we've had a similar experience or because we think we have the answer to the problem. The truth is that each of us has the answer within.
Being a good listener helps the other person to eventually access the answer. The more the person talks, the more he/she comes up with their own insights and solutions. The more one can access his/her own wisdom, the more empowered they feel.
We all need and appreciate being listened to. It is one of the greatest gifts we can give one another.
May you bring a mindful presence into all your relationships this month. I look forward to hearing from you!
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